so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
