im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
