You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
