Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize