So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
