My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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