guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
two words...techno handjob
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
