Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
