what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
