ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
