Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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