its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
