Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
