If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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