I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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