The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
