I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
