What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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