I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
