Old men and throwing up are my life now.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Randomize
