I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
