fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I deserve this hangover.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
