You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
