im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
