My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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