haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The air taste purple.
Randomize
