she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I still have a little drunk in my system
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
