My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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