Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
