saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
