Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
