My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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