You're a womanizer and a bitch.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize