HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize