How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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