I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
