I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize