I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
