I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
