He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
