Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
