You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
