let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
