Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
