Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
