Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Fuck appropriateness.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
