When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize