Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I could make wine with my vomit
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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