did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
