I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
