You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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