Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
handjob tips. give me some.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
