at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
