thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
