great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
