i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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