dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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