so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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