I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize