i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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