So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
