I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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