I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
