She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
