You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
