apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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