is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
