smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
