An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
