i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
